Bad Habits and My First 31-Day Plans

July 24, 2019 jackiecakes1Leave a comment

So based on my prior posts, I think you can already tell that I haven’t been successful in past weight loss attempts. I’ve really taken a good look at myself – specifically, why I think I haven’t been successful, and the tools I would need to be successful. It’s time to break these bad habits … and yes, I call them bad habit because they are all about behavior. I’ve created a pattern of unhealthy behaviors around food, and I need to figure out a way to break these behaviors.

The goal is (1) break these behaviors by establishing new patterns that represent healthier behaviors toward food; (2) get back to the basics and return to my love of cooking; (3) move more. Even bigger news? I have a plan.

A lot of articles on the Internet say it takes a minimum of 21 days to break a habit, and a minimum of 30 days to establish new patterns or behaviors. I’m going to add one day on (for good luck?), and attempt to re-train myself in 31 days to eat healthier and be healthier, and it is my hope that by the end of this challenge, it will be (at least) a little easier to be healthy.

In these 31 days, J and I will cook and prepare every meal homemade and healthy. I am not going crazy with counting or tracking my food intake, but I will be mindful and make sure it’s a healthy recipe. It’s funny, because when you’ve dieted as much as I have, you kind of know what you need to do (you just don’t do it). It is my hope that by the end of 31 days, I have created better habits and behaviors around food, so that I can take it to phase 2 (yes, phase 2) and begin to really be mindful of caloric intake.

If you’re reading this, you don’t know me well enough yet, but it’s important for you to know that I am a highly structured, organized person. I thrive with plans and prescriptive use of my time. Without plans and structure, I break down quickly. This is why a 31-day plan is so important, because it gives me structure in an area of my life that feels …. uncontrollable.

So here is my promise to you: Every evening I will check in and tell you how my day was, and how my cooking and food adventures went. Along the way, I will also share victories, failures, and some good eats and drinks.

Join me, and let’s try and kick these habits once and for all!

Mindfulness · Real Talk · The Struggle is Real · Wine, and more wine.

Hold the shakes and cabbage and pork rinds: An unpopular post

July 19, 2019 jackiecakes1Leave a comment

The past day or so, I’ve really been thinking about why I’ve been unsuccessful for years with my weight loss goals. I’ve tried every diet you’ve heard of (and probably some you haven’t), and I’ve never made it past a month or two. It’s not the diet’s fault – the common denominator is me. These diets, some of which are “the popular thing to do,” just do not work for me. Before something can work for me, I need to be ready to be successful. The problem with all of these diets is that I get thrust into “perfection” and am told that I need to do a complete 180 overnight and have a new relationship with food. But here’s the real truth: If I don’t fix me first, nothing will actually work. Before you put a band-aid on, do you clean the wound? Same principle.

I had a few days off from the craziness of work, so I really put a lot of thought into my food habits this week. My husband (“J”) and I had a day off together and decided to go to a local vineyard and lavender farm. What better way to clear my mind? It was in this experience that I really started to think about my relationship with food, and I came to a bit of a realization.

I’ve always loved food. I mean, LOVED food. Like, no one loves food like I do. (OK, I’m done now.) My parents did not have a loving marriage, and so, my mother cooked and ate to feel better. And I cooked and ate with her. Growing up in a partially Italian family, the food is CRAZY. There is no quick dinner – everything is a production. I don’t blame my parents and my upbringing, but it’s so important to face these truths about ourselves – if you look at your childhood, I guarantee you’ll see that it’s where you established your relationship with food.

My relationship with food has, and continues to be, baaaaaad. I eat when I’m happy (to celebrate), busy/bored (to distract myself), sad (to feel better), overwhelmed (to make myself feel better). I don’t eat because I need nourishment. I watched the weight creep up in college, joined a popular weight loss program, and lost 30 lbs.! It was magical. One year later, all 30 pounds were back. When I was 26-years-old, I met my husband (“J”), and put on TONNNNNNS (pun intended) of “happy fat.” It’s been nine years (WOW) since I’ve been with J and I continue to struggle with weight – and have gained even more.

So where do I go from here? It’s time to take control. I need to get back to the basics. Step before I leap. I need to work on my relationship with food first – otherwise, I can always expect to struggle. So here’s my game plan: Return to my love of cooking; Cook low-calorie and low-fat meals and experiment with new ingredients and new cooking methods. I’m going to do this for a few weeks, without particularly counting calories or anything, but I am going to be mindful of cooking only healthy and health-ful meals. I believe that doing this will help me work on my relationship with food, and will help me learn to be healthy for life.

Truth time: I lost my father last year, to a very long battle with alcoholism; he died at age 65. I don’t have alcoholism, but I am unhealthy with food. I don’t want to die young because of my weight – I want to live a healthy, full, long life with J. It’s that simple. It’s truly not about the scale – it’s about putting good nutrition into your body, and being mindful and loving yourself. Truth time? None of these diets have ever made me mindful and happy – in fact, they’ve made me hate myself for failing over and over again. This is an unpopular post, because you won’t hear about me following any of the popular or fad diets. If you take this journey with you, you’ll read about me learning to have a new relationship with food. You’ll read about me having non-scale victories and stumbles, scale victories and fails … you’ll read about me being mindful and present in my food choices and my life general.

Speaking of mindful – last night J and I poured a glass of red and made a healthy broccoli and cheese quiche. I got this delicious Weight Watchers recipe online here – it was soooo good and filling, and easy. We had it with 35-calorie-a-slice (yay) turkey bacon; it’s a perfect summer night light meal.

This concludes my long, unpopular post. If you’re reading this, take a deep breath and think of your relationship with food, and find your “why.” I am doing this to live a long, healthy life.

Real Talk · The Struggle is Real

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One…

July 16, 2019July 16, 2019 jackiecakes1Leave a comment

Hello, and welcome to my blog! I will be talking about my journey to get healthy and lose weight. I am not sure that I will tell you all anything innovative and exciting, but what I promise is to be authentic and brutally honest. If you’re looking for sunshine and rainbows, you’ll find that here, too, but you’ll also find how hard it is to get healthy and fit.

I am 35-years-old, and I’ve essentially been on a diet for 80 years. I’ve tried allllll the popular weight-loss programs and apps – those would work for awhile and then the inevitable “ugh, this feels like a full-time job in itself” default thought kicks in, and it’s over. I’ve tried cutting carbs and sugar, losing the salt in my diet, and losing my mind. It is to the point that if someone told me to eat tulips for a month and I’d lose 20 lbs, I might actually consider it. My problem is, and continues to be, sticking with anything, and isn’t that the biggest battle of all? I look at people who have successfully lost weight (and kept it off), and I think to myself “How did they do this?”

Anyway, I’m Jackie. I’m 35, married, and am at my heaviest weight EVER. I look at myself, and I can’t believe I have gotten to this size. What it all comes down to, is that I know I do not make myself a priority. I routinely put the happiness and livelihood of others ahead of my own. I could go into many, many reasons why this is the case, but instead, I’ll let those thoughts and musings organically occur.

And speaking of musings…be prepared for me go off into tangents about a few other areas:

My work life: I work in higher education, and I friggin love my job. I won’t apologize for making it a priority in my life, but with it, comes challenges that affect my journey to becoming healthy. Anyway, I’m a higher ed nerd and you’ve been warned.
My husband: He is THE BEST, but don’t worry, you’ll see. We are true life partners and I go on no journey without him by my side.
My school life: I am currently writing my dissertation. Expect whining.
My cats: I have two cats, and they are awesomely cute. I’m a crazy cat lady (although I hate that phrase – how come there is no “crazy dog lady?”).
My wine: I love red wine, and finding new ones to try. In fact, my blog is best read with a glass of wine in your hand, so cheers!

This blog is for accountability, and to help anyone I can as I learn to help myself and get healthy. If you’re reading this, please comment and join me on this journey. I started this blog post by telling you it won’t be all puppies (READ: kitties) and rainbows, but sometimes – and hopefully often – it will be. Until next time, I leave you with one of those rare rainbows. Tonight, I start my journey to finally getting healthy.